The most dangerous animal in all of the jungle...

There’s a lot of animals I worried would give me a hard time while I was in India. I have never claimed to be any form of animal-fighting prize fighter, but in Toronto I generally think I could hold my own if a wild-animal attacked (note that I said “wild”, I am not claiming I could fight a dog). A raccoon might rough me up a little but if it really came down to it I think I would at the very least survive. When it comes to Indian animals though, I’m pretty sure I am overmatched. I would not just lose, I would die. There might be one or two people out there who would die more quickly than I would, but this probably would be little consolation as I would still be dead.
On the list of animals that I really did not want to encounter while strolling through the jungle, there is a pretty clear order. The top three would most likely include tigers, rhinos, and particularly big snakes. If anyone denies that they are scared of these animals they are in my opinion either lying, or idiots. Fortunately for the safety of my afternoon hikes, there are no longer any tigers left in my region of India, and my pre-departure rhinoceros research assured me that they did not live in mountains. There are apparently snakes but they are mostly non-poisonous and are afraid of humans, so I would have appeared to have had all my bases covered. What I did not anticipate however, was having to deal with a bunch of asshole geese every single day. Between my room and the eating area live three geese and a duck. The duck mostly minds its’ own business and goes about eating dirt and keeping out of my way. The geese? Well the geese will watch me as I walk down one of the two paths across the property, and separate in order to block both paths and attack me. They will literally waddle across a bridge and fly across a badminton court just to make sure I don’t get to eat lunch in peace. If this sort of behaviour was exhibited in a human being he would be sent to jail.
If you’ve ever been attacked by a goose you’ll understand how disconcerting it can be. It causes absolutely no pain because geese are stupid birds with no teeth or claws. For all intents and purposes if I were to be attacked by any one species in the animal kingdom based on their attack-properties I would probably choose a goose. But when it happens three times a day it begins to get pretty tiresome. I will be walking down in the morning thinking about the three coffees I’m going to drink before the guests get to breakfast and out of nowhere a goose will pop out and hit me with it’s chest before poking at me maniacally with it’s stupid orange beak. Lunch will come and I’ll be feeling good about how many bookings I managed to make that morning, and without realizing what’s happening I’ll be blindsided by a flurry of angry white feathers.
And what is a guy supposed to do exactly when he is being attacked by a goose? I would never respect myself again if I hit a goose, but I also don’t respect myself for getting bullied three times a day by a jackass bird. So far I’ve determined that as long as I wave a chair in their general direction as they are getting ready to attack they’ll back off and let me pass. The only problem with this is that it’s a pain having to trek up and down a mountain carrying a big wooden chair all day.
In conclusion if anybody has any advice on dealing with rogue geese please let me know. I don’t want to hurt or kill them. I don’t want to be friends with them. I really just want them to leave me alone.